Provisions

After an eventful St. Patrick's Day, nothing could have been more refreshing than my day spent at the park. Some friends and I made plans yesterday to go to this particular park, but Licson's partner was ill today, leaving Lilyth and I to take in the beautiful scenery and warm Guiyang air on our own. Though sad that Licson could not join in on the fun, I admit it was nice to have a girls' day of sorts. 

Parks in China differ from the States. In Texas at least, parks connote large plastic jungle gyms, sand boxes and perhaps a tennis court or two. But here the parks have large lakes, mountains and all sorts beautiful scenery. Lilyth and I climbed a mountain where a Buddhist temple rested on top. As we climbed she explained more to me about Buddhist religion, helping me better understand all the symbolism and telling me stories of coming to this temple with her family as a child. 

In the times I have lived in China, I have found Buddhist temples to be some of the most beautiful and peaceful places in the country. When living in Fujian, I would often go to a temple near the university where I lived. I of course am not a Buddhist nor do I have plans of ever becoming one, but this temple was built up in the mountains, and it was such a nice place to get away from the busy Chinese streets. I would take a sack lunch, climb out on to a particular rock that overlooked the city and rest for a while.

I felt the same sort of restfulness today; as Lilyth worshipped, I walked around snapping photos and enjoying the mountain-top view. We had a nice meat-free lunch at a little restaurant at the monastery and prepared for our descent. 

Apparently this park is known for its monkeys; I have never been so close to so many monkeys. Honestly, I found myself a bit nervous about the situation and couldn't help but imagine all those creepy flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. Lilyth informed me that the monkeys are so used to people feeding them that they will jump on you if they want your food or water. And this made me even more worried. 

But my favorite part of the afternoon was getting to sit next to the lake and chat with Lylith. Though I have only been in Guiyang about two weeks, I'm already thinking and praying about what life should look like after this six months is up. I know August will come quickly and I don't want it to find me unprepared. I enjoy my job, but I don't see myself being an English teacher forever. 

I've long dreamed about living in China, and I honestly love it. In so many ways, this time here is an answer to prayers I have been praying for years now. But I also love my family, and I love my hometown. I love the idea of being involved in a church and watching Elizabeth Colton grow up. I feel my dreams shifting and that scares me.

It feels like I have to choose between two very distinct lifestyles, and I often feel incapable of making this sort of decision. I don't have to make the decision today nor does the decision affect my ability to enjoy the day at hand. It's just a nagging reality that I can never quite shake. 

I had a dream last night that perpetuated a lot of these questions. I woke up frustrated, and my first thought was to e-mail a friend from home or to Skype my dad and ask for some wisdom. 

But I decided otherwise. 

Rather I chose to confide in Lilyth, to share with her what was taking place in my thoughts and get some feedback. She too is at a point of transition, with many of her own plans and dreams hanging in the balance. It was such a good thing for me to sit at a lake and have this conversation with my friend and not because I now have a better answer to this conundrum. I don't. But it's nice to realize I have friends in Guiyang who I care about and who care about me. I'm not at a place in life where I can run over to Kristine's house after work or meet Stephanie for breakfast at the Cupboard. I can't take a walk with Jess or grab coffee with Shannon. 

In all my plans and hopes of moving back to China, Lilyth and Licson, Winona and Bear weren't, at the time, in the picture. But they're here now, and my friendships with them allow me to navigate life with some great people in the absence of loved ones back home. At some point I'm going to have to make those hard decisions about what comes next for me. And while I don't look forward to that day, I'm reminded by these relationships that I'm provided for. I'm always provided for.